"Wow I'm so jealous of you."
Jun. 14th, 2013 03:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
togekissedThat isn't a compliment. Not to me anyway.
I work really hard for everything I get. Maybe work isn't the right word, but I fight. I have to fight to keep going to the school I'm going to. I've had to fight to be able to get on testosterone and start transitioning. I've been fighting to get my service dog. I've even had to fight with my father to not be removed from music programs (people often tell me they're jealous that I play instruments). I've been fighting to be on medications and ultimately to get better. And the whole fighting thing? It gets hard and tiresome. It's part of why I want to die sometimes.
I shouldn't HAVE to fight for things necessary to my survival or my ability to thrive. It's not like I get everything handed to me. I really, truly understand that it's frustrating to see someone have the things you want but you know what I did to get them? I fought. And it wasn't easy. But you can fight too. I know not everyone has the same financial means I do (I'm hardly rich but my mom is very supportive which includes financial help) but if you try you can find ways to get what you need. My friend is currently paying nothing for his therapy and psychiatry. You can get things you need no matter your financial situation. And when people straight up tell me they're "too lazy" to try but continue to bitch about how lucky I am, then you know what? Any sympathy I had for you gets flushed down the toilet.
Then there are the people who tell me that they're jealous of things I have naturally. Jealous that I pass so well as male, which was a complaint I got even before testosterone- "You're not even on t yet and you look like a guy, so jealous". Jealous of my singing voice or my musical ability. Jealous of how good I am with animals. Jealous that people are attracted to me. I CAN'T CONTROL THOSE THINGS and you guilting me for them by going on about how lucky I am and how jealous you are just makes me feel bad and does nothing for you!!
Ughhhhhhh I don't want to hear it
I understand being jealous! I really really do! I'm not a naturally very jealous person but it happens! But you don't tell the person you're jealous of that they're so lucky and you're so jealous over and over, especially when you're friends with that person, especially when you know that they've been fighting and struggling to get the things they want and need!
I work really hard for everything I get. Maybe work isn't the right word, but I fight. I have to fight to keep going to the school I'm going to. I've had to fight to be able to get on testosterone and start transitioning. I've been fighting to get my service dog. I've even had to fight with my father to not be removed from music programs (people often tell me they're jealous that I play instruments). I've been fighting to be on medications and ultimately to get better. And the whole fighting thing? It gets hard and tiresome. It's part of why I want to die sometimes.
I shouldn't HAVE to fight for things necessary to my survival or my ability to thrive. It's not like I get everything handed to me. I really, truly understand that it's frustrating to see someone have the things you want but you know what I did to get them? I fought. And it wasn't easy. But you can fight too. I know not everyone has the same financial means I do (I'm hardly rich but my mom is very supportive which includes financial help) but if you try you can find ways to get what you need. My friend is currently paying nothing for his therapy and psychiatry. You can get things you need no matter your financial situation. And when people straight up tell me they're "too lazy" to try but continue to bitch about how lucky I am, then you know what? Any sympathy I had for you gets flushed down the toilet.
Then there are the people who tell me that they're jealous of things I have naturally. Jealous that I pass so well as male, which was a complaint I got even before testosterone- "You're not even on t yet and you look like a guy, so jealous". Jealous of my singing voice or my musical ability. Jealous of how good I am with animals. Jealous that people are attracted to me. I CAN'T CONTROL THOSE THINGS and you guilting me for them by going on about how lucky I am and how jealous you are just makes me feel bad and does nothing for you!!
Ughhhhhhh I don't want to hear it
I understand being jealous! I really really do! I'm not a naturally very jealous person but it happens! But you don't tell the person you're jealous of that they're so lucky and you're so jealous over and over, especially when you're friends with that person, especially when you know that they've been fighting and struggling to get the things they want and need!
